destress me, now.

Introduction

I’m going crazy.

The feeling that I’m not in control of my exams is driving me to a place that I’ve never been to before.

I can only replay in my head what my mom said to me last year…

“Hah. So stress? All through school never study hard. Now that you actually study, you don’t know how to deal with it.”

(I paraphrase because it was half Canto when she spoke)

The bottom line is though is that she’s right!

Main body

Subsection 1

I don’t like this intensive learning course that I’m on.

I don’t even see it as learning.

And I definitely don’t like Business Strategy.

Subsection 2

I just created this section for no reason except to give the illusion that my post was of substance.

Conclusion

And this is how you’re suppose to answer the Business Strategy paper – with lots of headings and spaces between sentences to give the illusion of many paragraphs.

Many paragraphs = many points.

Many points =(?) lots of substance

Lots of substance = pass

Pass = Happy Weng

A cold October

It’s cold and my coffee intake has quadrupled this week from 0 to 4! *for those who noted the maths isn’t quite right you know what I mean…*

I’m taking my lunch break now so I thought I’ll update seeing I don’t seem to have the time when I’m home to just sit and contemplate.

This week’s been pretty interesting. Played football with English guys from work on Monday which was an eye-opener to say the least! Spent most of the hour trying to stay on my feet and not get physically outmuscled by them rather than trying to play football. Now I know first hand what football commentators really mean when they say the English game is a physical one. We won 12-10, so yay otherwise it would have been a big waste of my energy =)

Work’s been going well. Had my interim feedback meeting with my career coach and she’s happy with the feedback from my managers/in-charge so I’m happy about that. It feels good to know what I’m working towards and where I currently stand on things. Otherwise you just drift around aimlessly, not caring about what you do and not knowing why you do things. It’s a shame if work is like that everyday because there should be a good degree of motivation and passion in it!

Meeting up with various groups of friends this week which should be fun =) Apparently having crabs for dinner tonight too! If so, I wonder how it stands with those back in KL.

I really need to buy a couple of sweaters, a pair of gloves and a heavy coat but that would mean a heavy outlay. And given the current economic conditions and my poor accountant salary it’s even worse because I know I’ll be going further into debt to my parents. We shall see just how long more I can continue to weather this cold front.

Superman

I’m finally back in London where everything is familiar and I don’t have to think a gazillion times over twice about how to find my way around. The downside is that I no longer get a cooked breakfast and I’ve got to make do with a smaller showerhead.

Anyway I was thinking about all that’s been happening in the markets lately, talking with friends about how far the UK economy will tank when I thought about myself and where I figured in all this. What was God’s purpose is putting me here?

*edit: Ash wants credit for the second half of the answer*

To save the world – one misstated financial statement at a time =D

I know… but I got to take pride in my work right? lol

The weekend’s gone by too fast again. The whole of Saturday was spent playing football and I came away completely pooped with a half-detached toenail *my big one no less* but nevertheless really satisfied =) And Sunday’s almost at a close. Volunteered as an usher at church for the 9:30am service and it was a really good experience. Met a whole range of people and I still think Americans are pretty darn friendly but then again it could just be that I haven’t met that many unfriendly ones.

In other UK news, the weather’s turning freakishly cold next week.  A high of 5degC and a low of -1degC on Wednesday! That is just plain bad because my ears won’t have time to acclimatise -_-

Oh and in other breaking news, Chelsea’s lost their 86-game unbeaten run at home to Liverpool! It’s been almost 5 years since they were beaten at home (by Arsenal) and it was a pretty impressive run while it lasted. Wonder if Liverpool’ll go all the way this season…

Back in the countryside

I must be hitting the jackpot with away jobs. I’m staying in an AWESOME hotel again! Too bad I don’t have a camera with me right now to take some pictures =D I’ve got a ginormous bed again, a bathroom that’s unbelievably big (there’s even a little corridor in the bathroom to the shower area) and even better this time around – free internet.

I think these kinds of away jobs are great because I get great accommodation and cooked food, I save money for the week plus I get to eat dessert up in my room at no extra cost.

Moving on, I passed my last set of exams (barely I should add) so I’m safe and worry-free until the next sitting in February. Nothing to really do for the rest of this year except work, go on a work away day to Brighton in Nov, go for a pre Christmas lunch-until-dinner event in Dec with my colleagues, and not least of all skiing in France over New Years =D

God’s been really good this last few weeks. The latest blessing being the fact that I managed to secure ‘cheap’ travel arrangements to get me to France and back. Let’s just say arranging it over the weekend was a nightmare with prices ranging from 500pounds upwards, and just for travel no less! So to get it at a ‘bargain’ price of under 200 was fantastic.

Anyhow I’ll leave this at that because I’ve got to go do work now. Till tomorrow =)

It’s Monday already?!

The weekend flew past so quickly! Where did it all go? sigh.

Found out that I am unbearably slow at football now. My reaction times seem to be in a parallel world of its own. Felt like everyone else was moving twice as fast. It made for some embarassing mistakes (by me) and cringeworthy moments (for everyone). Hope it’ll all come back once I’ve played a few more games. In the mean time I’ve got to really work on my ankle. It’s not a great feeling when it’s so weak.

But apart from that it was a really nice and relaxing weekend =D weather was fantastic too! felt like a brief summer spell with plenty of sunshine.

Oh and I don’t know why but I suddenly want to learn some Japanese. And this is even before I learn my own mother tongue =p I think this is partly fueled by the fact that everytime I went to Japan Centre for lunch the last 2 weeks I’ve had the cashier talk to me in Japanese. I’ll see just how long this want will last.

I need to decorate my room. It’s kinda bare. That’ll be my side project for next week. Suggestions are welcome =)

Datukships

Why does Malaysia make datukships so ‘cheap’?! Shah Rukh Khan to get one? Gee..-_-

A surprising find

I would say apart from missing the easy availability of chinese food at any of the coffeeshops around kl, the other thing i miss most about home is the feeling of ‘family’ when I’m at church on the weekends. You know more or less everyone, you have great laughs and everyone makes a contribution. It’s a fantastic feeling.

I found that same sense of ‘family’ tonight and of all places it was at a pub! It was such a great experience. One of my workfriends use to work at a pub and I decided I would follow her to her old workplace to meet her sister and her friends, all of whom also worked at this pub. After all I did not have much to do this Friday evening.

Although I was merely an observer it was really great to meet the pub owner and all her friends who still work there. They were funny, very friendly and come closing time they all put in the work to get the pub and the outside cleaned and readied for the next day. It brings back memories of cleaning time at church back home =) You can just feel such a tangible sense of bonding and togetherness in the air. It’s truly awesome.

Anyways I just thought it was a very enriching evening for me =) and now I’m off to bed. It’s pretty late (or early morning depending how you see it) and I’ve got to be up early to clean my flat tomorrow morning =) So goodnight all!

Diet Coke

I drank a can of diet coke today. My first whole can. It was not pleasant at all.

And the only reason I drank it was because I’m watching my sugar intake now =/ I’ve just realised recently how much sugar I’ve been taking, it’s kinda scary…

Today was a really good day =) The weather was awesome, I feel I’m finally contributing something of value on the job, and I got great news from a friend. He didn’t get fired so yay =D 1 prayer answered. It’s so good to hear good news.

Other interesting events of the day include me noting the growth and length of the queue forming to see Girls Aloud at the nearby Waterstones. To say it was pretty long is kind of an understatement. Jamie Oliver’s fan base didn’t come ANYWHERE close yesterday!

In other news I’ve been having sushi for lunch for the last 8 days. I can’t believe I’m saying this but my craving for unagi is finally shrinking. I’ve just got to get through one more lunch time tomorrow and then I’m out of the Picaddilly area =p I’m not sure if I’m glad to move away from the current place I’m working at. I know I’m going to start missing it, the question is when.

And finally GBK still sits on the bottom of my list of favourite gourmet burger chains. Company was great, food less so. Oh and I realise my work pants today was a little too short a little too late.

Relationships, closure and a rollerdisco

I use to think that what Hollywood movies portray as the breakup/dumping process in a relationship was a stereotypical view and that surely there must be some fakies in there. I don’t anymore. I think it really does pretty much give a good account of the whole process – the feelings, the emotions, the reactions, the words. I know this first hand now. Disturbingly surreal when you’re watching yourself go through that process.

I’ve finally managed to find closure (the first claim was a false dawn). Or at least that’s what I feel tonight. Initially it was hard to accept the circumstances but now I feel peace. Which is good. I say peace because I finally understand why. So I’m really hoping that this is THE closure I’ve been looking for.

Sigh. To really love someone is to really just pour out your whole heart and soul – unconditionally. It never stops even though they may do things that hurt you or make you angry and frustrated. If you’re unfortunate enough to lose that special someone for good, I think one of the foremost thoughts would be to wish you could have limit the extent of that love. But you can’t. If you do, I think your relationship is a lie.

I have to rediscover my friends and rebuild whatever tangible relationship there is remaining. It’s been neglected for far too long. And of course meet and make new ones along the way.

Oh and I can’t believe I’m going to do this but I’m going to go to a rollerdisco -_- God please don’t let me chicken out before the day!

An extremely tiring Monday

Today has really been a huge mood swing for me. It started off really good with football to look forward to after work and it ended with a huge crash which football being cancelled was part of. But only part of.

I’m starting to worry just a little bit that I’m starting to have bouts of depression. I’m not on the brink of suicide or doing anything crazy but it really opens your mind to convoluted permutations of the future. And I hate it. It’s not what I want to be. It’s not what I want to be thinking. It’s not something I like, in fact it’s something I really really REALLY hate.

As I was walking to KFC to get dinner it suddenly struck me, out of the blue, that if I’m feeling so unbelievably terrible and downcast because of being disappointed by one person then it surely must be uncomprehensibly worse for God when we turn our backs to Him and disappoint Him. How does HE do it?! 6billion plus of us no less. He really is such a gracious and loving God. There and then, it put me to shame and really just knocked the depression out of me.

I have had so many irrational thoughts over this last week. I wished I wasn’t so soft-hearted. I wished I wasn’t so shy and more outgoing (this wasn’t so much an irrational thought but I thought I would throw it in). I wished I cared less. I wished life would fast forward. I wished I was more wild. I wished I didn’t have settling down tendencies.

But I think most of all I wished that I wasn’t so afraid of being alone. If anyone asked me what my greatest fear was, I could tell you that this has always been it – all the way back to secondary school.

Why am I so different from most of my other friends? Why don’t I have that buring urgency/desire to go out and ’see the world’? Don’t get me wrong, I would like to go travelling and meet new people but I’m also content to have a chilled out evening or weekend at home. Is there any link between this lack of want and with my beliefs in life? Or have I just completely skipped my 20s and gone on to the 30s/40s?

I just have so many things going on in my head right now. In fact, the more I think about what I’ve been thinking and how I’ve been reacting it’s starting to play out like a typical broken-hearted story. Am I going down the wrong path or am I entitled to feel the way I do and react the way I do?

I realise that this particular post is already beginning on a very “me-this, me-that” basis which again when I think about it, I don’t like either.

So, let’s move on to more important things like the friends I have. I’m really praying for a really close friend of mine that he’ll be able to pull through an extremely tough few days at work. I hope he won’t lose his job because he’s a great guy and because I think he takes pride in what he does. He doesn’t deserve the fear and uncertainty. My heart really goes out to him and I’m really praying God will comfort and look after him in his time of need. That will be my big prayer for tonight.